On my heart: Sleep

I was so very lucky with Elle. She slept through from 8 weeks. She would go 8pm-8am, have a little milk and sleep again until around 11am, sometimes even noon! i always felt so refreshed. Ready to face the day and have the energy to take her swimming, for walks everyday, to spend every second on the floor playing with her and not need to sit down or just "rest my head for a second on the sofa cushions".

The first night we bought Mia home, we put her down with us in her basket and all fell asleep at 10pm. I woke up with a jolt at 8am the next morning as she hadnt woken me and was still fast asleep in her basket next to me. I could see her tiny chest going up and down and her little fingers twitching. I then made the huge mistake of counting myself lucky that we have another good sleeper.

Apart from actually getting her to sleep, she was pretty good until she was 7 months old. She would wake around 5am to be nursed and go straight back to sleep again. She then started to wake up a few hours after we put her down in the evening. Then a few hours in the night. And then she would want to stay up and play. It then got to the point where she would be up most of the evening with us and also for a few hours in the night too, just wanting to play or be cuddled.

And here we are now. I get on average three hours of sleep a night. Mia just doesnt seem to need sleep. My body is just not functioning right. I feel like im sinking into the floor and my brain is so cotton woolish! i have been making such silly mistakes and forgetting simple things. For instance, last week, i went to the supermarket to get the ingredients to make up a lasagne. I picked up the sauce and the vegetables. I looked in my basket and thought yes, thats all i need! i got home, went to cook the dinner and reaslised i hadnt any mince, garlic bread or pasta! The next day, i went to the supermarket to get things to make a stir fry and picked up noodles and veg. I got home, went to cook dinner and realised i forgot the meat. Its scary how your mind can just not function correctly. I am starting to have to write things down in my diary just so i will remember them!

When Mia was younger and sleeping alot better, the days were alot more fun. We went out everyday. We had adventures, we made teepees. There was always something planned that we were going to do and i had so much energy. I had all the patience in the world and just felt completely happy.
Now, most of our days are spent at home. I cannot muster up the energy to do alot. I feel guilty because i havent done half the things with Mia that i did with Elle as a baby. I havent taken her swimming or to the indoor play centre alot. I don't take her on daily walks or spend hours with her lying on the floor in fits of giggles over a cuddly toy making a funny noise when you squeeze its tummy.

It is actually getting to the point that i dread going to bed. I dont see the point in going to sleep as i know i will be awake only a few hours later.

Oh, i wouldnt change Mia for the world but how do people cope? To other mummies who have a non sleeper, how do you find the energy to do things? How do you cope when you hit that 3pm slot and your eyes wont even stay open yet there is no way you can just fall asleep as you have a energetic baby to entertain?

I am certainly not complaining, i just need a little advice. A few wise words from others who have gone through this or are going through this. I just need a little pick me up before my heart aches even further with this guilt of not being able to give the girls the days and attention they deserve without losing patience or having to sit down before i fall down!